your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
someone threw a dead crab at me
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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