well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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