Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize