I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
