Is it normal to miss your booty call?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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