I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
