I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
