Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize