My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize