I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
