Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
