My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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