I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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