Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
