JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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