He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
