Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
