How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm determined to sit on that face.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
soo... how was my night?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
