Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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