he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
