no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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