Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
