For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Randomize
