If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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