This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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