see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
