just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
