Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
