I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
