I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
