I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
