I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
