I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Randomize
