we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
