Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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