Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
