keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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