every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
