Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize