I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I need moral support for this bender
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
