i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
