Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
