Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
