You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
