it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
