I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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