i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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