My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
he fucked my hip out of place.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
