kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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