God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Randomize
