I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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