maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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