i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
