So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Randomize
