I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
