First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
