Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
