I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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