I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
