Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
