so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
