I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
