I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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