i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
